A Transformer's Thanksgiving
by BBailey
Summary: What would our famous turkey day holiday be like for the citizen's of Cybertron? An early Thanksgiving treat to all of you from me, B. Bailey!


Hi, it's B. Bailey with another Transformer fan fiction and since tomorrow is Halloween and I couldn't think of anything good to post before then, I'm posting a short Thanksgiving day treat for you all!

On Earth, in the desert:

Optimus Prime stood in the kitchen of the Arc watching his beloved wife, Elita One prepare Thanksgiving dinner for the autobots.

"My scent factors picked up something enticing." He replied, standing behind her as she busied herself at the range. He looked over her shoulder. "What are you preparing for this Earth holiday known as Thanksgiving?"

"A roasted energon cube, mashed energon, energon casserole and candied energon." Elita One said proudly. She opened the range door and peered inside. "I hope roasting the energon in such heat doesn't cause it to explode."

"Darling, why are you cooking it?" Optimus asked, stepping away from the range with caution.

"Because, Spike said the Thanksgiving Day holiday is spent consuming roast turkey, but since we do not consume such organic compounds, I roasted energon instead."

"It doesn't have to be roasted; Spike and Sparkplug are consuming their turkey deep fried in hot oil."

Elita closed the door on the range and then eyed Optimus debatably. "Do you think the energon would be any safer if we deep fried it?"

Optimus regarded her for a moment and then shook his head, "No, not really."

Taking out a metal container from the space overhead, Elita placed the trays in order as she removed the pot of mashed energon. "Optimus, dinner is finished. Why don't you call in the other autobots and my father and have a seat at the table. I'll serve us in just a few astro-seconds."

"Certainly," he said, leaving the kitchen and entering the main room of the autobot base. He looked on with pride at the table he welded together with various parts and chairs to match.

"Autobots, come sit down. Dinner is done!" he called out, bringing the attention of the others as they stood around waiting, making small talk.

"Oh boy, I can't wait to consume!" Bumblebee cried, running to the table.

"It's about time; my energy levels are running low." Wheeljack replied, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

"I'm ready." Jazz said, sitting in the seat next to Ironhide.

"Alpha Trion, sit here next to me." Optimus called, waving to the chair beside him. "Your daughter has made an energon dinner we all can be proud of."

Alpha Trion looked on with a confused expression on his faceplate. "Dinner?"

"Yes, Alpha, dinner." Optimus explained slowly, hoping the aging transformer with Alzheimer's disease would understand. "Sit down so that we may consume energon together."

"Do we consume energon?" Alpha Trion asked, sitting down when Optimus gestured at the chair.

"Yes we do."

"Tah-dah," Elita One said, laughing when she emerged from the kitchen pushing a serving cart.

Chromia and Firestar followed her to the table.

"I hope you like this Thanksgiving Day feast; we went through a lot of trouble stealing energon just to make it." Chromia replied, taking a seat beside her husband, Ironhide.

"Steal? That's not the way of the autobots." Ironhide said, shocked.

"Oh, relax. We stole them from Shockwave. It's not like he's anybody important."

"I wonder who he's having Thanksgiving with." Inferno asked, as Firestar sat down beside him.

"Beats me," Firestar shrugged, handing him a tray of mashed energon. "Probably nobody, we didn't see him with anyone when we hopped on the spacebridge."

"What loser," Inferno chuckled and then looking into the tray, he arched an eye plate. "What's this?"

"It's mashed energon." Elita One said, feeling proud that she so skillfully prepared an Earth banquet with fuel from their own home planet.

"Mashed energon?"

"Yes, just like Earth's mashed potatoes." She explained as he scooped some on his plate and then handed it to Optimus Prime.

"What's a potato?" he asked.

"It's an Earth vegetable."

"A what?"

"Stop questioning her and consume it." Optimus growled and then he ladled out a serving, dropping a glop of it on Alpha Trion's plate. "Here, try some mashed energon."

"Why is this precious energon all gooey?" Alpha Trion asked, making a face when he poked a spoon through it.

"It's mashed, Father." Elita explained and then she lowered her head when he continued to smack it with the spoon, splattering it. "Oh, he hates it."

"Come on, Alpha, eat it." Optimus pressed, spooning up a bite and pushing it into his mouth. "See, it's good and with it being mashed, you can't choke on it."

"I still don't like the idea of stealing energon." Ironhide muttered, dropping some on his plate and then passing the tray to his wife.

Chromia took the tray. "Well, when you get a job and put energon on the table, then you can bitch about it, until then, just consume it and be thankful."

"Yes, dear." He replied.

"What's this?" Alpha Trion questioned as Optimus handed him more energon, filling his plate.

"It's candied energon."

"Is it candy?"

"No, Father." Elita One made clear. "Its candied energon, you know, like Earth's cranberry sauce."

"Is it good like candy?" Alpha Trion asked, looking at the sparking goop and then up at Optimus Prime.

"Yes, it's sweet like Earth candy." Optimus nodded, shoving a bite into his mouth.

"It's not good! It's horrible yucky!" Alpha Trion spat, frowning. "It's yucky poo!"

"Alpha, your daughter went through a lot of trouble to make this, now come on, consume." He tried again to cram the spoon in Alpha Trion's mouth, but the wily old bot turned his face away, spilling the energon.

"I don't blame him, this stuff looks like something dug right out of an oil trap." Wheeljack said, handing the tray to his wife, Hubcap.

Hubcap gasped and then her faceplate twisted into a tight frown. "What a rude thing to say! My leader, Elita One worked hard to make this feast for us all and there you go complaining before you even had a chance to taste it. Big talk from somebody that doesn't even have a mouth."

"How can I consume it without a mouth?" he asked her sarcastically.

"You know how." She retorted, shaking a spoon at him.

"Oh, yeah, right," he said low, looking down.

"I think it's good." Bumblebee replied, greedily wolfing down the cooked energon. He broke off a corner of the roast energon and handed it to Roller, who had been rolling back and forth under his chair.

"Beep, beep," the tiny autobot chirped.

"Bumblebee, don't feed Roller from the table." Optimus scolded, spooning another bite of energon into Alpha Trion's mouth. "We'll have plenty of scraps for him when we're done consuming."

"Yucky, I don't like energon candy." Alpha Trion gagged, kicking his feet under the table. "My daughter is poisoning us all! She cooked us poison! She's trying to kill us!"

Elita rolled her optics. "Father, don't start with the poison bit again."

"I think you did a wonderful job," Firestar complimented her. "But shouldn't we be praying before we started consuming?"

Elita gasped, covering her mouth plate with both hands. "I forgot the blessing! Spike says we start the holiday feast with a blessing."

"What's a blessing?" Inferno asked, looking at Elita and then at Firestar.

"We're supposed to give thanks for what we have." Firestar said.

"And we're supposed to start the blessing first," Elita moaned. "I messed up the whole holiday!"

"No, of course you didn't dearest," Optimus disagreed, clamping a hand on Alpha Trion's shoulder and forcing him back down in his chair when he tried to get up from the table. "We'll say our blessing now."

When everyone quieted down and all optics was on their leader, Optimus cleared his throat and began. "I am thankful for all the years I have been lucky enough to hold the matrix of leadership and to have guided you through out the eons. I'm thankful for my good friends and loyal followers. I'm especially thankful for my lovely wife of fifteen astro-years, Elita One and for this superb energon meal she so dexterously prepared."

Elita's faceplate burned red with a blush, she folded her hands. "I'm thankful for my wonderful husband, Optimus Prime and also for my staff of loyal femme bots and for the eons of love I got from my beloved father, Alpha Trion." She craned her neck and looked over at her struggling father, whom Optimus secretly bolted to the chair. "What are you thankful for, Father?"

"I'm thankful that I can poop." He said and then he looked at Elita for approval. "Is that a good thing to be thankful for?"

"Uh, yes…of course." She stammered, blushing even more.

"It's good to poop, isn't it?" he asked, looking over at Firestar.

"Sure, it's the simple things in life that count." She said, nodding frantically.

"And that's pretty simple," Wheeljack murmured with a sigh.

"I'm thankful to be a part of this team and for this good energon!" Bumblebee cried, cramming more roast energon into his mouth.

'Thank you, Bumblebee." Elita said, humbled by the kind, little autobot.

"Are you thankful for pooping?" Alpha asked, looking up at Optimus as he wiped the old bot's mouth with a napkin.

"I've already said my thanks."

"I'm also thankful for pooping." Inferno said, trying to humor the old bot for the sake of everyone at the table.

Firestar smiled, she reached out and stroked his cheek with her metal hand. "That's sweet, honey. I'm thankful for such a considerate husband, such as you."

"I'm thankful for my ability to outsmart decepticons and steal us precious energon." Chromia said with her hands clasped together.

"You shouldn't be thankful that you steal from others." Ironhide reprimanded.

"Oh and I guess I should be thankful I have an unemployed husband without whom my incredible fighting skills would not have been possible." She added haughtily.

"Come on, baby," Ironhide said. "Somebody out there could have suffered with the loss of these energon cubes."

"Like who, Shockwave?"

With that, everyone at the table burst out laughing, even Alpha Trion, though he didn't know why.

On Cybertron:

"Thanks to those autobot witches, I don't have anything to consume but boiled robot spare parts." Shockwave groaned, turning a makeshift spit over a range of bubbling hydrogen. "I guess I should be thankful for…for…my health."

He turned the spit over and over, old oil dripped from the rusty carcass, spilling into the steam and sizzling. "I remember the good old days when Megatron used to live on Cybertron, ruling Dark Mount with an iron fist, but those days are gone. He's living on Earth, just like Optimus Prime." He sighed, thinking back when he was in his prime, his sleek body polished blue, his laser gun firing like thunder and lightning, his one blinking eye red and bright. He tried so hard to get Megatron's attention, but with Starscream always around flaunting himself in front of their leader; it made any chance he had to get with Megatron nearly impossible.

"I wonder how Megatron is celebrating his Thanksgiving down on Earth?" he wondered aloud, taking the metal piece out of the steam. "I wonder if he's thinking about me?"

On Earth, under the ocean:

"What is taking Soundwave so long and why am I still waiting?" Megatron grumbled, pounding his fist on the table.

"We're waiting for him to bring out our Thanksgiving feast." Starscream replied, drumming his fingers along the top of the table, waiting impatiently.

"I know that, but he should have been done by now!"

"I'm worried that uncharismatic oaf has messed up our Thanksgiving Day feast." Starscream said. "There's no reason for him to be taking so long!"

"I know one thing I'm not thinking about and that's Shockwave." Megatron said.

"You want me to look in and see what's taking so long, boss?" Skywarp asked from across the table.

"Ceremonial dinner is served, Megatron." Soundwave said in monotone, pushing his own serving cart up to the table, a red and white checkered scarf tied around his square head. "I will segregate the energon provisions."

"Well, it's about time." Megatron said, sitting back in his chair. "I'm famished."

Thundercracker quirked an eye-plate, but said nothing as he cut a piece of energon from the cube and handed it up the table to Starscream.

"What is this?" Megatron asked, noting that the energon cube was wrinkled, almost prune-like. "What have you done with this cube?"

"I primed it for the feast, mighty Megatron."

Starscream bit into his piece of the cube and then frowned. "This cube tastes awful. It's sour, as if it had went bad." He turned accusing optics toward Soundwave. "You're trying to feed us rotten energon!"

Megatron took a bite. "This does taste sour. Is roasted energon supposed to taste like garbage?

"Not roasted, Megatron," Soundwave vibrated. "I prepared pickled energon cube."

"Pickled?" he cried, his voice rising in pitch. "We were supposed to consume roasted energon."

"Oh," Soundwave lowered his face, his mouth-plate quivered.

Megatron blew a long and drawn out sigh. "Fine, what else did you prepare?"

Soundwave immediately went to the cart, whisked up another serving tray, and placed it on the table.

Megatron eyed it and then asked. "What is it?"

"It is cream of energon curd."

"What exactly is cream of energon curd?" Megatron asked, his scent plate wrinkled. "Better yet, what is cream of curd?"

"Cream churned from the finest curd."

"What is curd?"

"The white scraping under a robot's charging member."

"It's what?" Megatron roared, his face aghast.

Soundwave leaned over and brought out another tray, laying it on the table. "Try some of this, mighty Megatron."

"What, I'm almost afraid to ask, is that?" Starscream asked, pointing at the delicacy.

"This is boiled energon cube holders." Soundwave said, looking at Megatron for some kind of response.

"I can see that." He replied, looking at the soft and wobbling pale squares that was made specifically to hold captured energon, but instead sat lifeless and unfilled, "where's the energon inside?"

"We did not have sufficient energon to go around, so I had to resort to cooking the holders as a substitute."

"I thought we were going to have a Thanksgiving Day dinner like the autobots." Skywarp whined. "This dinner is pathetic."

"I looked up the unique dinner ideas from Better Homes and Pits." Soundwave said, taking the dish from Rumble as he ran in carrying it on his head.

"Never mind, just tell me you made something worthwhile for desert." Megatron sighed, pushing aside his plate.

"I made salted robot nuts."

Every occupant at the table suddenly grew wide opticed, staring in incredulity.

"You cooked what?"

"Salty robot nuts, see?" Soundwave titled the pot, revealing the salted nuts that came off a series of bolts. "Nuts."

"I'm not consuming another robot's nuts!" Starscream exclaimed, offended. "He can feed mine to his innard decepticon thingy's."

"I think I'm going to be sick!" Blitzwing replied, jumping from the table and running down the hall.

"All right, fine." Megatron stood up and lifted both arms; an immediate hush blew over the room. "I will finish this lousy Thanksgiving dinner by providing a blessing of thanks."

The decepticons seated at the table, bowed their heads, their hands pressed together.

"I, your great and powerful leader, give thanks for all of us for making me such a crusading leader. With humble sparks, we are thankful that I am most handsome, resilient, and powerful and that each one below me, which is everyone here, has the privilege of gazing upon my dominant and awe-inspiring physique and may I live for another billion centuries to come…"

"May I give thanks for my totally awesome self?" Starscream interrupted, puffing out his chest.

"No! Now where was I? Oh yes, may I live for another billion centuries to come, in my name sake, we give thanks, amen."

"Amen." Everyone said in unison.

Happy early Thanksgiving to you all, friends! B. Bailey


End file.
